No, that's not my legal name or my birth name, which is Ethan Holly. Sometimes, people ask "Is that your real name?" Presumptuous wording, but thanks for your curiosity š
I chose the name in early 2023 after about six months' consideration. I had a feeling that I would be changing a lot in the future, and I wanted my name to reflect who I aspired to become. I also wanted a name that celebrates what I love most about myself as I already am. After considering the name "Sage", I kept finding more and more reasons why it fit, and so I settled on it.
Before going into the reasons, I want to note one obvious effect the change had on my social life. Aside from strangers getting a different first impression, I noticed how the people I already had relationships with responded to the name change. For some, the change was easy to get used to, while for others, the change was difficult. Some people made an effort to change their habit of what to call me, as they recognized, admired, and supported the growth that this name-change represented for me. Others resisted the change actively, which clearly demonstrated their attachment to thinking of me in the same static way.
Reasons for the name:
Smudging Ritual - The herb, sage, is often used in smudging rituals for clearing negative energy from a physical space, object, or person. To adopt this name is to recognize that I do this naturally, given who I am. I have an attention that sheds light on my own and others' truth, to a purifying effect. Sometimes, it's too raw to tolerate, which can cause others to shy away. For years, that felt like a flaw to me, and left me scared of perpetual aloneness. Since then, I've come to understand this way of being as a blessing, and the adoption of the name Sage celebrates that.
Gender Identity - It feels right that the name Sage is gender-neutral. Socially, I identify as a man, but I don't feel like that gender is core to my being. For years, I carried a crippling fear of being toxically masculine, which caused me to retreat from leaning into all masculinity. At this point, I'm learning to cultivate my positive masculine aspects and to use them in an empowering way to complement my feminine side. The marriage is empowering. At my core, I feel agender. I don't need someone to know immediately that I'm a man when they first hear my name.
Sageness - The first definition of "sage" in Merriam-Webster refers to one who has attained wisdom "through reflection and experience". Though I'm hardly there yet, I aspire to continually grow in the direction of that kind of sage. The aspiration gives meaning to trials and gives substance to pleasure.
Eye Color - I love that the plant matches my eye color! I feel proud of my expressive eyes, and now I remember that feeling whenever someone says my name.
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About the Author
Iām a Sex & Relationship Coach trained in the Somatica method. Come work with me to learn and practice skills that help you with dating and building new intimate relationships, spicing up your erotic connections, and deepening the connection you have with your existing lovers or partners.
If you'd like to work with me, feel free to contact meĀ with questions or bookĀ a 30 minute consultation call.
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